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Child
Development and its Relationship to Grief and Loss
What can
Parents Do To Help?
Reference: Myers, D. (1986) Psychology, New York, Worth Publishers
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Birth
- 3 years
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General
Concepts of Development
- World is
experienced through his/her senses
- Attachment
is developing – experiences
some stranger anxiety
- Language,
motor, cognitive, social/emotional development is critical
- Trust
vs. Mistrust is developing
Concepts of Death
- Has no concept
of death
- Sense that something has changed if main caregiver is no longer
present
- Able to sense
a caregiver’s emotional distress
Grief Issues
- May respond
to death with irritability, change in sleep, eating and play
patterns
- May regress
- May
search for caregiver
- May be very
attached to remaining caregiver and fear separation
What
Can You Do to Help?
- Provide nuturing,
love and physical closeness (hold and snuggle child, coo and
sing with them sitting on
your lap)
- Language
holds a special appeal for children this age; they love to hear
familiar voices repeating
familiar words and phrases
- Maintain
a schedule/routine – Feeding
times, play times, storytelling times, singing
and holding should continue without
interruption.
- Take photos
of deceased so that the child will be able to look at them at
a later date
if needed
- Take child
to a portion of funeral or service
- Use appropriate
vocabulary for age (“Mommy is dead, she is
not coming back.”)
- Answer questions
- Model/Encourage
appropriate expression of feelings and memory sharing
- Keep a
journal for child of important events, ceremonies, newspaper
clippings
and stories
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3
- 6 years
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General Concepts of Development
- Egocentric
- Focuses
on one thing at a time
- Inanimate
things can be alive
- Magical Thinking – Child
believes that just thinking about something can make it happen
- Continues
to learn about the world through senses
- Play is critical
to development
- Time is reversible,
may be able to recall some very memorable past events
- Continues
to develop trust
Concept of Death
- May have
concept of death, depending upon the experience
- Death may
be caused by thoughts or feelings (Magical Thinking)
- May be interested
in physical and biological aspects of death and the dead body
- May
think death is like sleep
- Senses caregiver’s emotional
distress
Grief Issues
- May appear
fine
- May respond
to death with irritability, change in sleep, eating and play
patterns
- May regress
- May
be concerned with who will be caregiver
- May show
feelings, thoughts through play because he may not have the vocabulary
to explain
self
- May be very
attached to remaining caregiver and fear separation
- May ask questions
repeatedly
- Very curious
- Physical
reactions and acting out behaviors
What can
you do to help?
- Answer questions
- Maintain
a schedule
- Take photos
of deceased so that child will be able to look
at them at a later date if
needed
- Take child
to a portion of the funeral/service
- Use appropriate
vocabulary for age
- Provide play
opportunities
- Model/encourage
appropriate
expression of feelings
and memory
sharing
- Keep a journal
for child
if important events,
ceremonies,
newspaper
clippings and stories
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Parents
Trauma Resource Center
www.tlcinstitute.org • 877-306-5256
© TLC Institute 2004
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