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Child Development and its Relationship to Grief and Loss
What can Parents Do To Help?
Reference: Myers, D. (1986) Psychology, New York, Worth Publishers

 

Birth - 3 years

General Concepts of Development

  • World is experienced through his/her senses
  • Attachment is developing – experiences some stranger anxiety
  • Language, motor, cognitive, social/emotional development is critical
  • Trust vs. Mistrust is developing

Concepts of Death

  • Has no concept of death
  • Sense that something has changed if main caregiver is no longer present
  • Able to sense a caregiver’s emotional distress

Grief Issues

  • May respond to death with irritability, change in sleep, eating and play patterns
  • May regress
  • May search for caregiver
  • May be very attached to remaining caregiver and fear separation

What Can You Do to Help?

  • Provide nuturing, love and physical closeness (hold and snuggle child, coo and sing with them sitting on your lap)
  • Language holds a special appeal for children this age; they love to hear familiar voices repeating familiar words and phrases
  • Maintain a schedule/routine – Feeding times, play times, storytelling times, singing and holding should continue without interruption.
  • Take photos of deceased so that the child will be able to look at them at a later date if needed
  • Take child to a portion of funeral or service
  • Use appropriate vocabulary for age (“Mommy is dead, she is not coming back.”)
  • Answer questions
  • Model/Encourage appropriate expression of feelings and memory sharing
  • Keep a journal for child of important events, ceremonies, newspaper clippings and stories

3 - 6 years

 

General Concepts of Development

  • Egocentric
  • Focuses on one thing at a time
  • Inanimate things can be alive
  • Magical Thinking – Child believes that just thinking about something can make it happen
  • Continues to learn about the world through senses
  • Play is critical to development
  • Time is reversible, may be able to recall some very memorable past events
  • Continues to develop trust

Concept of Death

  • May have concept of death, depending upon the experience
  • Death may be caused by thoughts or feelings (Magical Thinking)
  • May be interested in physical and biological aspects of death and the dead body
  • May think death is like sleep
  • Senses caregiver’s emotional distress

Grief Issues

  • May appear fine
  • May respond to death with irritability, change in sleep, eating and play patterns
  • May regress
  • May be concerned with who will be caregiver
  • May show feelings, thoughts through play because he may not have the vocabulary to explain self
  • May be very attached to remaining caregiver and fear separation
  • May ask questions repeatedly
  • Very curious
  • Physical reactions and acting out behaviors

What can you do to help?

  • Answer questions
  • Maintain a schedule
  • Take photos of deceased so that child will be able to look at them at a later date if needed
  • Take child to a portion of the funeral/service
  • Use appropriate vocabulary for age
  • Provide play opportunities
  • Model/encourage appropriate expression of feelings and memory sharing
  • Keep a journal for child if important events, ceremonies, newspaper clippings and stories

 

Parents Trauma Resource Center
www.tlcinstitute.org • 877-306-5256
© TLC Institute 2004

 
 

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This website is a service of The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children (TLC), a non-profit 501(c)3 program of Children's Home of Detroit (CHD). All information listed in this site is meant to be used as a guide only and not as a substitute for professional counseling. If you have questions that you would like to ask our TLC Certified Trauma Specialist on staff, or would like a recommendation for a TLC Certified Trauma Specialist in your area please call TLC toll-free at 877-306-5256 or email us at steele@tlcinst.org