Secret of the Peaceful Warrior Book and Activity

Ages 9-12

Secret of the Peaceful Warrior: A Story About Courage and Love
By Dan Billman, Illustrated by T. Taylor Bruce, Robert D. Sans Souci, Editor,
Review and Activity by Linda Whitney Peterson, PhD, MSN, MFT

The Secret of the Peaceful Warrior is a book that I find invaluable for working with children who have been traumatized, as well as children who are feeling bullied or powerless in their lives due to everyday events. Whether at school, home, or in their neighborhoods, every child is going to encounter a bully at one time or another in their development. Whether they approach this event as victor or victim depends in large part on their previous life experience and the training they have received in coping skills.

Children who have been traumatized in some way inevitably think and walk with the attitude and mentality of a victim. This creates a perfect target for a bully. It is similar to painting a bull’s eye on their chest! When I meet with these children, I use the Secret of the Peaceful Warrior to help them recognize their own strengths and their power within. With small children, I read the book to them, and they follow along with the beautifully done, simple illustrations that move throughout the book. With older children, I ask them to read, but I stop the text at significant points. A place I emphasize is how the hero of the story, Danny, learns that “The secret of courage is to act brave, even if you are not feeling very brave.” (p12)

In this story we follow Danny as he starts a new school and is immediately confronted with a bully on his first day. We see that his new friend Joy, even though she is “a girl!” can run like the wind to escape the bully. Danny learns that Joy’s grandfather taught her to run, and he wants to learn to run fast also. He however, learns two important lessons from Joy’s grandfather: (1) You have to develop your own skills, internally, not just emulate someone else; and most important, (2) “If you run from the problem, even though you get away for awhile, it keeps chasing you.” (p12)

At this point, the child has been sitting, reading and talking for quite a while, so I incorporate physical activity with this story. The goal is to generalize the principles of the story into the muscle memory and verbal repertoire of the child. I start with a physical martial arts drill in “front stance.” I face the child, both of us putting our right hands out, palms forward. Our feet are in “horse stance” with the right foot forward balancing with the left foot back, shoulder width apart. We touch palms and walk circling each other. The point is to teach the child to match the pressure of his/her hand against mine. When confronted, utility of effort is required: use enough force to match, not over power another. Next, I have the child strike my arm lightly in slow motion, and I parry the strike out of the way (also in slow motion) so as to avoid being actually hit. Once we have practiced this 3-4 times with them striking at me, we reverse the activity. I now strike at them; they parry my arm, and we continue circling as they defend themselves.

Once we are walking easily in the circle, physically relaxed, I add a verbal component. I have the child call a name or use a hurtful statement such as, “hey sissy” or “you’re ugly,” and I defend against it vehemently, such as “oh ya, well, you’re uglier!” Then we reverse roles, and I call out the insult, and the child retaliates defensively, verbally. I point out to the child after we have both taken a turn that these kinds of responses escalate fights rather than getting ourselves free of fighting. I ask: “Can we cool this down?” “Watch.” The child repeats the exercise playing the part of the bully, and this time instead of counter attacking, I say something like “sorry you see me that way. I like myself the way I am.” We then reverse roles and the child practices this method of response. It usually takes a bit for the child to be able to say a positive statement in response, but as we practice it gets easier. I tend to keep moving in a circle and continue the parry action so we blend the two learning components. We use the “bullying” words this child hears in his world, so generalization is more likely.

The important skills to develop include confidence deflecting either physical or verbal assault. The verbal component is most difficult for children. They are not used to making a positive matter of fact response. They are delighted however when they learn that by doing so they take all the “fun” out of fighting! By incorporating the physical and verbal training simultaneously, children seem to remember better when they get into a real life situation. Furthermore, the child has fun saying things not normally allowed to an adult in a safe setting, as well as being able to physically stand their ground against an adult.

In reality, we hope the child can imagine him or herself as the “Peaceful Warrior” as Danny became. With repeated practice, the majority of children discover that “no fear can withstand the courage and love of the peaceful warrior.” (p28) Many children who practice this philosophy and physical response show noticeable physical changes in the way they walk, move and approach people. They have their shoulders back instead of rounded or collapsed; their heads are up, and their eye contact is more direct and confident.

I have found this story to be an invaluable therapeutic tool to explore what kind of bullying a child may have experienced, as well as emphasizing the point that they are not alone. Victims are built when children believe that they are all alone and that no one else in the world has experienced what they are enduring. This book beautifully conveys how to ask for help from someone who may know how to help and to build a network of support. It also brings forward, gently, the concept of listening to your own inner voice, whether in dreams or thoughts to control your own life. This is an easy book for any age child to understand and relate to - from pre-readers through junior high level, because all children, no matter their age, want new ways to empower themselves with other children and their world.

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